The sad americano.

Has anyone picked up on the fact that the americano above is very sad? It was the last coffee I had in Iceland. I figured it was a sign they were sad to see me go. Vein. I know...but it's a dorky thought that came into my head and now here I am putting it into yours!

I feel odd.

I have a lot of everything I could possibly dream of right now but I want to progress in this and that direction but the thing is I don't know what this or that direction could be!

Baking, and cleaning and yogaing are all awesome things but I have other interests that seem to scary to embark on. Don't know the first thing about em.

Getting clever. How do I do it? I feel like it's a natural born thing. Blast. Oh well. I will continue to hang out with my clever friends and laugh at their clever words and live vicariously through them. This will be my substitute.

Today is supremely beautiful. The fact that I get to sit on my couch in the sun light with my patio door open on a November afternoon is pretty fantastic. The fact also that whilst doing this I can admire my new green wool coat hanging to dry on my railing, is lovely as well.

I hope your day is going well.

xo,

LF

I wish I was a dude so I could work in a barber shop.

I haven't blogged in awhile but was inspired to get back on the train, if only for a brief period of time, by Allie, to do it once again.

This won't last. I go through periods of wanting to blog everything of existence in my brain and then the complete opposite happens which ends up being the more dominant of the two.

Today was the best early evening I have had in awhile. I was invited by Dustin, the barber, to come down to the Belmont and learn a thing or two about barbering in exchange for some information on Iceland all all things wonderful that exist there. It was awesome. Aaron was kind enough to be my model and sit through an hour+ haircut. It was like being a lady dude. We drank whiskey and talked about a little bit of everything. I loved it. I wish I was a dude so I could work in a barber shop. He's giving me a few more lessons which I was not expecting at all. Stoked. Now I sit at home, eating pre packaged salad, listening to Sunny Day Real Estate contemplating whether I should make cookies or not. I just bought oreos. Why would I make cookies? The milk and the boyfriend will be arriving shortly. Oreos, milk and boyfriend. Is there anything better? Oh ya! Barbering in a rad barber shop before all this! :))))

P.S. I work a 3 day work week now. It's weird, but, I am soooooooo much happier. Now all I need to do is create some goals. I feel like I've accomplished all the ones I've had set up for the past 7 years. What do I do?

A little shout out to Dan Winnick!

Please please please send a little shout out to Dan Winnick, one of the greatest humans to walk the planet! He was riding a fixie the other night and encountered a moving vehicle. Currently in the ICU at VGH, doctors have him in an induced coma so his body can apparently heal itself quicker than if he were to be coherent. Thanks, yo's!

xo,

lf

Happy longest day of the year!

It's today. The weather sucked, but not too badly.

I am happy.

I am tired.

Good byeeeeyeeeeeeeeeeeee

Oh woah.

Haven't done this one in a long time. Coming full circle. It feels nice to have someone to care about again.

...

Old.

Brain.

Giving 'Third' a second chance currently. The Rip was the only song I would listen to for the past year, almost two, that this album has been out. Turns out, it's not all that bad.

I'm in a writy mood right now. I sat down to write out my rent checks for the next few months and felt for some odd reason inspired to write someone a letter or write in my journal or write on this blog. There is nothing in particular that I wish to write about but i'm here so why not.

Today was an odd day. I woke up in a wee bit of a rush as I had plans to meet my sisters and ambers spawn down at Waterfront Station to spend the afternoon with them. Field trip for the kids. Get away for the adults. I had my birthday party yesterday. The whole day was great. It started off with some yog's then followed into the festivities. A co-worker and I went down WBroadway for brunch at DB Bistro where one of my all time greatest clients runs the kitchen. He promised amazing things if we came in for Sunday brunch and frig, did he deliver. The food was fantastic, the coffee came with sugar 'nuggets' instead of cubes, the champagne cocktails were endless, and we got to dress up real fancy as this is one of the more prestigious restaurants in the city. We were spoiled and tipsy. Awesome. From there we went to the ponies to bet on some horses. The weather man called for rain but thank the Lord it was only overcast. The races were still on! I made one $6 bet and lost 70 cents from it. Could have been worse. Most everyone dressed up for the ponies which was great. We had a little boxed off area and I'm pretty sure we were the best looking people in the place. Also-Jockies? Really teenie. Like I feel that while growing then realizing they wouldn't not get any taller, that they knew their destiny. There is a purpose for their wee-ness I suppose. The less weight on the horses as well as the less wind resistance is worried about, the better.

Anyways,

After ponies played some slots. I won prolly around $15-25 bones! I didn't count and I was only placing small bets. Though entertaining, I could actually feel myself getting dumber as I watched the glowing florecent screen, pressing the same buttons over and over again in hopes that I would come out on top. Strange to me that this is a life that some people lead. To each his own I suppose.

After ponies was party at my house. It was good. Pizza and flowing beverages...After that we went to the Cascade and then the Narrow. The intention was to go there to watch a friend DJ but in the end just went with him having one drink and then peacing out.

Not a bad birthday night at all.

Back to today. Woke up not at home and walked 8 or 10 blocks through the misty rain to my place where I quickly threw myself together and went down town. I love my family, but goodnight! 3 kids. That is a lot. A lot of small people. I'm not complaining. They are wonderful. It's just that when they come into my world I realize how I've actually GOT my own world out here. Outside of family. I built this up. I put myself here and I'm happy. Just a weird thought.

Also then i ended up in a store I just assumed I would never purchase anything from. Mostly because it's so ridiculously expensive. I walked out of Holts with a bag. A big bag. It made me look much fancier then I am. Plus the stuff in the bag was the cheapest stuff they had in the store I'm sure. Jeans. 2 pairs. A fraction of the cost of what one might expect in that store. A lovely lady recommended a certain particular brand of jean to me and they looked great on her so I tried. I succeeded. Now I don't need pants for a long time. I swear they make the bag bright pink and the handles on the bags extra long just so the person holding them can look super obnoxious. I felt like a tool with my bag smacking into my leg as well as other people legs with this giant fuchsia bag. Sick.

Anyway. Life is good. I made some sort of weird organic beef dish tonight. Turned out pretty freaking delicious. You should come try some.

I hope that you are doing well and that things are running at a good pace. You are lovely,

xo,

LF

Thirteen

We've been in the rain
We've been on the mountain
We've been round the fire

In fancy hotels
Drank water from farm wells
We sang with the choir

I kissed your dry lips
We jumped off the high cliffs
And splashed down below

Skin to skin
In the salty river
Made love in the shadow
Woooah ooh

Read books to each other
Read the mind of the other
Flew one thousand

We laughed and we cried
At movies and real life
In our ridiculous beds

We danced in the moonlight at midnight
We pressed against back doors and wooden floors
And you never faked it

And frequently
We ignored our love
But we could never mistake it
Oooh ooh

We met on the front porch
Fell in love on the phone
Without the physical wreck

You gave me the necklace
That used to hang
Around your mothers neck

We questioned religions
Fed bread to the pigeons
We learned how to pray

We stood by the ocean
Turned our hearts in to one
We laid in bed all day
Heeey

We skipped on the sidewalk
Skipped stones on the water
We skipped town

We've seen the sunrise with new eyes
We've seen the damage of gossip and true lies
We've seen the sun go down

Had PASSIONATE MAKE OUTSSSSSSSSSSSS
And PASSIONATE FREAK OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOUUUUUUUTTTTTTSSSSSSSS
We built this world of our own

It was in the back of a taxi
When you told me you loved me
And that I wasnt alone

I love this song and I forgot about it until just now.

The idea of it is wildly romantic.

Life right now today

Consistent. This is how i am feeling lately. I like it. Growing up but there is a sense of balance i've never known before. 26 in a couple of weeks.

and also a question.

what is your least favorite word?

new place and such.

i am in my new house now.

i love it a lot but tho it's only been half a week it is sinking in that i am really on my own now. first time in 5 years....more than that. i know that i like it and i know it's going to be good but it's an adjustment all the same.

i think i'm turning my feelers off. its safer this way.

a relaxing night.

The day started off crazy.

Coffee then lunch then tattoo.....................

now my arm is pretty well done aside from some touch ups that won't need to happen for a bit yet.

whilst buying some fruit to eat after the flowers were finished i decided i needed to buy some rum.

tonight i drink hot toddies, pack, do laundry, do the face mask and hair treatment business and listen to sean wesley wood. i haven't heard this cd in forever. it's amazing what you find when you move.

oh woah.

so tomorrow i make the phone call to the travel agent to hand over my credit card number that will be used to purchase my ticket to iceland.

i'm going by myself now.

i'm slightly terrified.

nervous

scared

excited.

should i go? ah! only 12 hours to decide for sure............................

also, by going to iceland, i am not going to france. this means i'm missing carolines wedding like a giant ass.

i'm sorry care.

france in july seemed so romantic. apparently everyone feels this way. thats why they're all flying there this summer.

gah.

been on the cusp awhile.

tonight it starts.

or rather, it stops.

sick=lame

I've been in my house for two days not leaving for much accept for a trip to the walk-in and a quick grocery shop so i wouldn't aid in my sick but, rather, try to combat it!

I woke up groggy at around 10 and had a conversation i don't remember on the phone. I know with whom but not what the conversation entailed. I fell back asleep woke up around 1 and watched breakfast at tiffany's. first time. then legends of the fall. first time. apparently i've been missing out all these years. breakfast at tiffany's was super cute. i liked it. audrey is really quite lovely and i wish i was her...when she was still alive anyway. legends of the fall was sad. really sad. like i felt like i have nothing to look forward to in the future and if i do it's all going to be ripped away from me anyway. how depressing. though i felt like i wanted to curl up in a ball after i still think it was well done and a good movie.

now i listen to the amelie soundtrack. maybe i'll watch that one this weekend.

tomorrow back to work. looking forward to it. doing nothing is something i haven't done in awhile and it took being physically ill to put me in this position.

i'm going home this weekend.

home.

abbotsford.

it'll be good.

Brain.

listening to Low-sunflower.

trying to book a flight to iceland.

argh.

its the perfect night outside.

cold.

not too cold.

windy.

eerie.

perfect.

jersey sheets.

amazing.

bed please.

more shows...................

tomorrow midlake

tuesday appleseed cast

next month....

the xx

plants and animals

vetiver

NURSES

yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so stoked.

also

I HAVE A HOUSE!!!!

Well, appartment. it's awesome.

It's that time again...

April 1st i move. again.

Do you know where I should go?

I require a roof over my head and preferably an area where the only sound keeping me awake would be my own thoughts.

xo,

lf

My arm is so itchy that i want to remove it from my body. the whole thing. so what if my career is ruined and my brain has to learn how to work from the left side. i want it off! anything would be better. to my tattooed friends out there, why do we do this to ourselves? why?

here is another 'why?' question.

Why am i awake? it's almost 130 am and i'm all sore throaty and what not but my brain will not let me fall asleep. My instinct right now is to write down all my inside thoughts and feelings and sads and happys for whomever to read, but i'm trying to make an effort here; an effort to keep it to a minimum whilst still letting you (only my friends i'm hoping) know what's going on with me.

There will always be goods and bads. i'm feeling a lot of bads right now. i'm probably moving for april first. didn't think it would happen this fast so i feel caught off guard a bit. doing olympic hair on sunday. not sure what i'm doing or where to go after the first few hours. all i know is that there are 8 models and only two hairdressers. sweet/not sweet at all.

plus i'm sick. plus feel rejected a little. no. not a little. straight up. rejection sucks and can be hard to deal with. i like me better when i get to the insides but i find living in the city that it's difficult to find this person. always when i go away for a few days or am just alone for a bit i start to recognize myself again. more often than not at this point i let my emotions and feelings get the best of me. becky had some crazy quote of sorts as her facebook status this week about how we think things and feel things and react and therefore are left with the consequences. this kind of goes along with what i'm saying. i know who i am under all this stuff. i just want to be able to go to that place naturally. does that make sense?

now. the goods.

i get to do olympic hair. though i have no idea what will be happening, i still get to do it. this is kind of cool.

i got to have a beer with greg of the great lake swimmers in chads tattoo shop on tuesday after work.

i found the best mexican restaurant in the city...to my knowledge...and will go there alway and forever now.

knowing that i'll be moving soon today i cleaned out my room. got rid of clothes, unfinished projects and did a general tidying all around.

tonight i got to hang out with lindsay and carissa. i love them and they know me almost through and through as i know them almost through and through. it's comforting to know that these people still exist in my life and i love them.

though i feel rejected and my heart is a little bit tender for feeling too much too fast it will make me stronger or smarter or both. i'm ready to shut down and turn a blind eye for awhile.

i've decided not to have anything to drink for a couple of months. as of late i don't like the person i become in my own brain once i've had a few drinks. i just don't want to put myself in that position. too vulnerable and plus it's not good for my physical body. though it was not a regular occurance, it's enough to make me realize i don't like it.

i put that under the goods because it's a good thing.

i hope you are doing well.

you are good and wonderful and strong.

Current favorite song

Lyrics to Ship Caught In The Bay :
Leaving, but never far enough
Like a ship caught in the bay
We'll show each other where it hurts
And well make the fuckers pay
And what is it we don't do well enough
That were constantly afraid.
And clearing up the pieces when your gone
But the silence always stays

The silences and formlessness is gone
With the hand that rocked the babe
Well forgive each other what is done
There's no one we could blame
And neither side is sure enough to move
There's something in the way
And still for all the wisdom that we've got
We're suffering the same

Buried in the work what never ends
And silently we fade..
And we walk on.. on..

White Rock.

I am currently sitting on the beach in White Rock. I needed to escape the city today and this was the second best option for me. The first, i was planning to drive to Hope. Sit on the beach at Lake of the Woods but by the time i figured out what i was doing it was a little late for that. plus i didn't feel like going all that way on my own. not today anyway. I feel like a kid again. Eating icecream staring at the sparkly ocean with the seeming less annoying that normal sounds of the seagulls. They look quite dumb, those things. i suppose because they are. these ones aren't as eager to steal food as the ones in vancouver.

i like sunday drives. i like that february is warm and that everything about this moment feels right.

Gah.

I need a grapefruit and a nap.

Cat sitting. House sitting. Sitting sitting.

Cat/house sitting for eric.

Sitting sitting on the couch with projects in front of me half finished.

I parked in the back at Statik today and there was this stencil that i really quite liked. As emo as it was it sat well in my brain. 'I can't tell if this is killing me or making me stronger.'

They say that what does not kill us only makes us stronger. I believe it. It makes us smarter too. So far this year has been alright. It's off to a better start than the last...

willl write more later.

Plants and Animals. New favorite band. New favorite song.

Lyrics to Good Friend :
I wanna give, I wanna give, I want to give everything up for grabs.
I wanna say, I wanna say, I wanna say all the little things.
I wanna make, I wanna make, I wanna make all of the good times.
I want to shake, I want to shake, I want to shake, I want to shake your hand.
But what I really want to do is dance.
I wanna dance. I wanna dance. I wanna dance. I wanna dance.
I wanna dance. I wanna dance. I wanna dance. I wanna dance.
I wanna dance. I wanna dance.

I wanna feel, I wanna feel, I want to feel lake water.
I wanna think, I wanna think, I wanna think, Oh man I want to think something fine.
I wanna take, I wanna take, I want to such a long long time.
I wanna wake, I wanna wake, I want to wake up and see your shoes in the stairwell.

It takes a good friend to say you've got your head up your ass.
It takes a good friend to meet you in the park in the dark.
It takes an enemy to help you get out of bed.
It takes your lover to leave you, to feel loneliness.

I wanna dance. I wanna dance. I wanna dance. I wanna dance.
I wanna dance. I wanna dance. I wanna dance. I wanna dance.
I wanna dance. I wanna dance.

I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you to sew a button on my shirt.
I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you to come home.
I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you to help us out.
I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you only to love me for my black eyes.


It takes a good friend to say you've got your head up your ass.
It takes a good friend to meet you in the park in the dark.
It takes and enemy to help you get out of bed.
It takes your lover to leave you, to feel loneliness.

Thus far.

Sometimes i miss home.

Last night was...Saturday?

Yes.

I got home from work and plopped down on my bed. So tired. Aimee was in Langley so the house was silent. All of a sudden out of nowhere I found myself in the weirdest mood ever!

It resulted in dwelling on some of last years events followed by a few light tears. All I could think about was my grandma fournier who passed away now 6 months ago, how i missed her and how i used to be married. 2 major things that occured in one year. It's a lot.

I then had a bath and stared at my arm for awhile. I love my new tattoo, though it's not quite finished yet. It's so beautiful. The detail and the layout. All that. Chad Woodley is a master.

Lauren had purchased me a ticket to go to this insane dj show down on main called, LA Riots. After my bath i was not prepared to take part in this, however, i dragged myself to the closet and put some clothes on myself. i messaged her letting her know that i would be her butchy lesbian partner that night because i looked like i could swing that way. i had on all black. black pants. black hoody. black touque. black shoes and socks even. there was a green coat, but that was a necessary tool in keeping warm.

i drove to jj. waited for her to call. drank an americano. waited for her to call. stared at the pages of a georgia straight. she called. i drove to fraser and 30th to go pick her up and decided on the way that there was no point in me attempting to make this night happen. we had a little heart to heart in daphnis for a good half hour and i left by myself. i drove and drove and drove. i wanted to be in abbotsford in that moment because i have all my back road routes and spots i will take myself to in times of inner torment or need. the treck i normally take myself on out here is not as theraputic but it does the trick. i drove to UBC. along 12th that turns to 10th that goes to the part where you have to go left or right. then down by the water where you can see the whole city and the giant port boats and the water is so still you don't think it's real. i suppose abbotsford doesn't have that part.

i woke up this morning feeling better. i get to see travis and drink home made ceasars, go shopping on commercial and see jeremy and sheree.

ho. hum.

my arm is itchy.

!!!

:)

Deletion.

I wrote a giant post last night. re-read it just now and felt maybe i put a little too much of myself out there...for a blog post anyway.

gah.geh.ghrrrrrrraaaaaah.

Car.

In this moment I want to be on sumas mountain in my volkswagon. Night time. Cloudless sky. I want the sunroof to be open and for sigur ros to be playing loudly. Scarf, touque, mits and all that. face freezing.

Who reads this anymore??

Connect the dots.

Today I got home from a 12 hour shift exhausted.

I sat in bed to count up my money saved for my upcoming tattoo and was staring at the spots on my legs. Freckles. Lots of them.

After thinking about it for almost 25 years, I decided to grab a pen and play connect the dots. I thought that at least one part would look like something seeing as how there are a lot that go in a straight row and such, but it turns outi just have a bunch of geometric shapes on me.

I tried it. Looks kind of cool. Probably I'll never do it again, but it was amusing.

Mellow, but not mellow enough to sleep yet.

I'm trying to keep up with the blog a little more. Caroline and Laurenn, it's mostly for you two.

I just finished watching Where the Wild Things Are. It was good, however, i feel that it was talked up a lot. This tends to happen with most 'big' movies and by the end of all the hype you're left feeling...meh? I did like it tho. The kid was nuts, but awesome. I want to build a fort.

Yesterday I saw Caroline for the first time in about a year. She came in to get her hair cut because we hadn't had a chance to hang out at all over the winter break. I ran to her and we both started crying. It was strange. I didn't realize how much i missed her. skype has been all we've had for so long and then finally there she was. The last time i remember being that excited to see someone was Laurenn when she got back from 10 months away in Europe. Friends?, i miss you. just so you know.

sigur ros is playing. i'm attempting to use it as a tactic in falling asleep. I think i'll be ready soon.

Just before i opened up this page i was poking on facebook a sec and ended up in a photo album from st.hermans. i'd heard in the past few weeks that what i saw in the photo was fact, but i've seen it now in front of my face. He has a gf. I feel nothing really but a , 'huh.' inside of me. it's weird, admittadley, but in the grand scheme it just...is. i don't know the depth of this relationship or any of the details. frankly, it's none of my business and i don't care to know...i just want him to be happy. really.

i'm still afraid of relationships. the thought of having that commitment this soon makes me want to curl up in a ball.

i feel like myself in this moment. the self that you feel when you feel the most human and are okay with who you are and where you are.

Shows!!!!

This year I'm doing it. The year of the show. I've got 6 planned for the next 2 months! This makes me very happy.

It goes like this

-The British Columbians @ The Venue

-Woodpigeon @ The Biltmore

-Phoenix w/ YSP!WSD! @ The Orpheum

-LA Riots @ ...I don't remember

-Midlake @ The Biltmore

-We Were Promised Jet Packs @ The Biltmore

You should try and come.

P.S.

when did the biltmore become cool?

also-little fact. the beatles used to stay in the hotel connected to the biltmore whenever they would come to vancouver back in the day.

Brain.

I know it's just a day. January 1st--but somehow i feel things are changing. The relief i felt when opening my eyes the morning after new years was finally here. I had officially finished one of the hardest years of my life to date. Now, time to wake up and move on.

I kind of feel like rambling so i think i might. it's what i do. so i will do it.

As I write this, i am making an effort not to listen to music. After having a long difficult self examining conversation with a good friend of mine it was brought to my attention that i can not sit in complete silence. Pride pulled argument out of me saying that it is possible and that i love just being still. stillness is one thing. but stillness and quiet is something very different. I also cannot get deep with a lot of people. i give short sentenced answers. i feel i'm going to bore whomever i'm talking to or that i'll seem concieded or simply just be unintelligent. My brain feels like it can't function right now. There is a flow missing. Maybe i'll stop thinking so much about how there is no music playing and write about something else.

I was in portland last weekend. the 3rd time in one year. This time was quite a bit different than the other two times. Erin and i drove my car down on boxing day. we had planned to stay for 2 nights but the traffic on the I5 was so terrible on the way down that we figured and extra night was probably necessary. It was. It was great. I actually felt my age for the first time in a long time. For the past six months i have become a bit of a recluse. not going out much. listening to music that didn't inspire me to get out of my rut. tended to come home early from events and straight home after work. i think i needed it and i don't think i'm quite done with it, but portland was a nice break. remembering what it's like to just be. to go out and not know what is going to happen one moment to the next until finally at 4am you end up back at your hotel face planted in bed. No shinnanigans were happening really. just pure carefree greatness. the first night we were there we ended up at a drag bar which i don't recall the name of...watched some karaoke and for the first time i actually went up. i don't do this type of thing. usually i run and hide if a speech is to be given or a lesson is to be taught, let alone karaoke. erin and i sang 'psycho killer' by the talking heads. it was hilarious. we had to call a random man from the audience to come up and help us because we couldn't quite make it sound right all on our own. from there we walked through a doorway connected to the drag bar that took us to this club. we danced and danced and danced. i also do not dance. really. soul night, yeah, but aside from that...nope. the music was shit but the vibe was awesome. at some point i looked up and realized that we were 2 of the only women in there. on top of this observation, i noticed we were the ONLY white people in the room. it was a gay mens club filled with bright and shiny latino men. haha, it was great. after a little bit we decided to move on not really knowing where to go or how to get there. we ended up at a little hipster bar called, 'tube'. couldn't have been bigger than the main floor of the six acres and had a dj tucked away in the corner. we sat down to a drink and made a new friend. james. he was slightly scary to me at first but only because he had just graduated some fancy american school in business or something to that effect. turned out he was super rad and invited erin and i to his apartment for some more hang outs. we didn't feel any bad vibes from him or his friends so we followed along down the street to his near by 1bedroom heritage suite where he pays only $650/month. there were 6 of us. two portland natives that had moved to new york to become fancy writers and designers that had come back for the holidays and two that went away for school and came back to start their lives and then bird and i. we turned off the lights plugged in a pod and danced for so long. barely any talking. felt to be one the most epic moments i've experienced in my 25 years of life. 4am we left to sleep. amazing. at one point they put on a new metric song and looked at us with hopeful eyes as we yelled out, 'WE KNOW THIS!!! they're canadian!!' epic.

Also in this journey we introduced the boys at VC (a tiny local pub) to the ceasar. we brought the clam juice and had the bartender, josh/deuce/dante, mix our canadian beverages up. he and two of his friends joined us and were rather taken a back when they realized ceasars indeed tasted better than the bloody mary. we're revolutionizing.

Thats all for the portland trip. We both got tattoos. Mine-an antique spoon. Erins-a swallow.

I think for this year i like the idea of remaining on my own for as long as possible. It fucking sucks sometimes, but in the end i know it will make me stronger. i need to be stronger. i need to figure out my junk and know myself before i attempt to conjoin with someone else. I am not going to be the one to put myself out there. I will not pursue. I will take on my own life. in full. create. explore. move forward. i think i'm really ready this time. to act this out.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...........................rant rant.

this i dont think will change.